Vancouver Dating – Lifestyle Transformations Blog

This is a funny video I came across recently on how to ALMOST pick up women.

This video demonstrates the power of STATE. In the video, the guy is in a very anxious/nervous state, and as you can tell the women are uncomfortable and it’s awkward. This is an exaggeration of how most guys are. If you change your state, you completely change the reactions you get and the results you will have.

Out of the hundreds and hundres of men I’ve now met through my seminars, Bootcamps and coaching, I have discovered certain patterns.  I’ve noticed specific patterns on what makes someone GOOD with women and dating, and what makes someone BAD.

These are things that are SO COMMON amongst men that struggle with women, that I thought it’d be worth making a post about it and sharing some ideas on how to overcome it.

One Of The Most Common Biggest Challenges Men Have With Women

The challenge is that men that struggle with women are TOO ANALYTICAL.

They are stuck INSIDE THEIR HEADS far too often, and OVER-THINK things.

I’ve said this before… there is very little LOGIC or THINKING involved in attracting women.

That is probably hard for many of your smart intellectuals to hear, but it’s true.

The majority of men that attend our seminars and courses are very analytical and inside their heads.  In fact, they basically LIVE inside their heads and are constantly consumed by their thoughts.  These men usually have careers such as engineers, accountants, computer stuff, or something related.

Now, being inside your head and being analytical has its advantages… for your career and success – BUT NOT WITH WOMEN.

Why Is Being Inside Your Head A Problem?

The reason why it’s a huge problem is because you end up over-thinking things too much and it prevents you from BEING IN STATE.

State is basically how you feel – being in a state of confidence or having fun.  To get into an incredible state of feeling good and having fun, you need to clear all of the thoughts from your mind and be totally PRESENT.  You can’t be thinking about the past, you can’t be thinking about what you’re going to say to her, or “what about this or what about that”… you have to be in the here and now.

When you’re not being present an stuck inside your head… you are HESITANT with your actions.  You hold back to approach her or to make a move.  You’re over-thinking and waiting for the “perfect” moment.

When you’re stuck inside your head and not present… you get caught up in focusing on thoughts of the PAST – “This won’t work because a woman rejected me in the past” or “Last time I approached a woman XYZ happened”.  Not only that, but you’re also focused on thoughts of the FUTURE – “What if she rejects me…?” or “What am I going to say to her…?” or “What if  she has a boyfriend…?”

These thoughts put you somewhere else and takes you away from this PRESENT MOMENT.

The Power Of Presence With Women

Presence means getting out of your head – not being focused on the past or future – but the NOW.  You are totally aware and present to the current moment.  You have no thoughts or distractions in your head.  You just act on your instincts and how you feel.  You don’t micro-manage things or worry about what to say – you just let the words flow out of you.

You have no worry about what others think of you.  You express yourself fully.  You say and do what you want.

Now… does this sound attractive to women?  Of course.

Not only that, but you are LISTENING.  When interacting with a woman, you aren’t thinking about what to say or are somewhere else – you are WITH HER.  You are listening to the words coming out of her mouth and not thinking about what to say next.

How To Be  Present With Women

What’s the solution?

Well, most people think consuming alcohol or a drug is the best way to accomplish presence.  NOT.  This is just a temporary-fix.  But this is why people drink or do drugs – it makes them fully present and puts them in the moment.  It allows them to express themselves freely.

The good news is that you can train yourself to be present while sober.  It’s a skill – or a muscle – that you build.

Let me ask you… have you ever played a competitive sport or activity before?  Like soccer, basketball, football, tennis, dancing at a club, a video game, or whatever?

When you’re out there playing this sport or activity… are you THINKING about every step and move that you’re taking?  Are you thinking about what happened yesterday or what’s going to be going on tomorrow?  NO.  You are totally present and in the moment.

If you’re playing football and you’re thinking about what happened yesterday or in the future…. BAM you are going to get nailed by someone.  You can’t be thinking or in your head.  You need to be in a STATE OF PRESENCE.

Some activities you can do to train yourself to be present are the following:

• Any sport or physical activity – it gets you fully present and in the moment.
• Meditation.  Do this everyday and practice clearing your thoughts and being present.
• Doing activities that put you in a state of FUN – dancing, parties, concerts, events, casino games, etc…
• Going out to meet women and interact with people – anything social.

These can and will help.

There’s a book called “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle that is worth reading.

And of course, you want to AVOID activities and things that make you too analytical and put you inside your head.

This is a powerful tool, once mastered, will make you incredibly successful with women and dating.  I hope this helps.

I was digging around in my hard drive and found a lot of cool videos that we used to have recorded from a few years ago that I thought I’d finally take out of the vault and share with you.

The one I’m putting up today is a video of Stefan during a Transformations Bootcamp back in 2008. He is at a mall and notices these two attractive girls sitting down in the foodcourt. What does he decide to do?

In the video, he sits down with both of them, starts talking, builds attraction, is left alone with one of them, creates a connection, and then 15 minutes later exchanges phone numbers. All caught on camera.

There is no sound in the video, so you can’t hear what he’s saying. But, you are able to get an idea of what it looks like to approach a woman, the confidence of just sitting down with them and talking, the reaction from the girls, and how it all goes down.

Watch the video below.

Here are some important lessons for you to take from this video:

1) ASSUME ATTRACTION.

To be able to sit down with two girls without hesitation and just begin talking requires a certain level of confidence.  If you try to sit down with girls but are nervous and uncomfortable, the girls will notice it and probably think you’re creepy.  That’s why the key is to ASSUME that they are already attracted to you.  I mean, why wouldn’t they be?  Why wouldn’t they want to talk to you?  You would be doing them a massive disservice and withholding so much value and awesomeness that you possess!  Let’s not be selfish now…

While that may sound egotistical, it’s a key mindset to have.  It’s my mindset.  You have to have so much BELIEF and CERTAINTY in yourself that you couldn’t even question the thought of them not wanting to meet you.  A woman not wanting to meet you or talk to you is a completely ridiculous, crazy, total B.S. thought that can’t possibly exist in my reality.

2) GET TO THE POINT.

When you approach a girl and say “Hi I was wondering if I could get your opinion on something…” or make up an excuse to talk to her, it shows a LACK OF CONFIDENCE since you weren’t man enough to simply state what you were thinking and be honest and up front.  Do women want a guy that has to put on a whole act to talk to her?  Or would she just prefer the guy to grab his balls, be confident and tell the truth?  Be confident, obviously.

When you sit down with girls and start talking, you are communicating your intent right away.  They obviously know this person is there to talk to them, right?  It was obvious that I was interested in getting to know them.  I didn’t sit down and say “Hi guys do you know where Futureshop is?”  It wouldn’t have made sense.

There’s two ways of thinking here.

First, if you believe you aren’t good enough for her, you’re right.  Whatever you believe, is TRUE FOR YOU… whether it is real or not.  So, if you believe you are a “7″ and that she is a “10″, no matter what you say will work.  You are putting her on a pedestal, believe she has higher value than you, and this is where having all the “tricks and gimmicks” and “routines and openers” come into play.  You feel the need to DO things to have a woman interested or attracted in you.  You don’t believe you could just be yourself and she would be into you.

The second way of thinking is you believe you are a confident, attractive, amazing man.  You are that “10″.  And she is that “10″ too.  You don’t feel any need to use tricks, gimmicks, memorize anything, or DO anything to impress her or get her interested in you.  You can you just be yourself and do or say anything you want, and she is interested in you as a result.  What is she attracted to?  What are all women attracted to?  Your confidence.  Your presence.  Who you are (not what you say).  Your masculinity.  Your sense of humor.  And you’re able to communicate all of these qualities naturally, because you’ve developed them within yourself and you’re comfortable.

This “second way of thinking” is the NATURAL’s way.  I’ve been in both categories, for years, and can say that being a natural is a thousand times more fulfilling and more effective.  It’s what allows you to actually get into a RELATIONSHIP.  It’s long-term fulfillment and joy.  It’s true transformation and self-improvement, not a cover up.

So, to get to the point:  GET TO THE POINT WITH HER.

If you see a woman you want to meet, go up and tell her that you want to meet her.  If you see a woman looks pretty, go up and tell her that she’s pretty.  Be authentic, honest, and confident with yourself.

3) DO IT.

There is a lot more to this video that is being explained here.

But, the bottom line is, DO IT.  Do something.  Get out there and approach a woman.  Have an interaction.  Face your fears.  Be a man.  Improve yourself.  Do something – ANYTHING – to become more attractive and successful with women.

No… making more money isn’t going to help you.  It will just turn you into the provider and women will probably be attracted to you for the wrong reasons.  Having a great body can help, but if you’re lacking confidence and can’t communicate with a woman, it isn’t going to make any difference whatsoever.

The solution?  Get out there, develop yourself, approach women, learn from your experiences and GET BETTER.  It isn’t going to improve on your own.  You have to be proactive.

Good luck and let’s make 2011 the best year yet!

Please leave a comment or let me know of any questions you have!