Vancouver Dating – Lifestyle Transformations Blog

Out of the hundreds and hundres of men I’ve now met through my seminars, Bootcamps and coaching, I have discovered certain patterns.  I’ve noticed specific patterns on what makes someone GOOD with women and dating, and what makes someone BAD.

These are things that are SO COMMON amongst men that struggle with women, that I thought it’d be worth making a post about it and sharing some ideas on how to overcome it.

One Of The Most Common Biggest Challenges Men Have With Women

The challenge is that men that struggle with women are TOO ANALYTICAL.

They are stuck INSIDE THEIR HEADS far too often, and OVER-THINK things.

I’ve said this before… there is very little LOGIC or THINKING involved in attracting women.

That is probably hard for many of your smart intellectuals to hear, but it’s true.

The majority of men that attend our seminars and courses are very analytical and inside their heads.  In fact, they basically LIVE inside their heads and are constantly consumed by their thoughts.  These men usually have careers such as engineers, accountants, computer stuff, or something related.

Now, being inside your head and being analytical has its advantages… for your career and success – BUT NOT WITH WOMEN.

Why Is Being Inside Your Head A Problem?

The reason why it’s a huge problem is because you end up over-thinking things too much and it prevents you from BEING IN STATE.

State is basically how you feel – being in a state of confidence or having fun.  To get into an incredible state of feeling good and having fun, you need to clear all of the thoughts from your mind and be totally PRESENT.  You can’t be thinking about the past, you can’t be thinking about what you’re going to say to her, or “what about this or what about that”… you have to be in the here and now.

When you’re not being present an stuck inside your head… you are HESITANT with your actions.  You hold back to approach her or to make a move.  You’re over-thinking and waiting for the “perfect” moment.

When you’re stuck inside your head and not present… you get caught up in focusing on thoughts of the PAST – “This won’t work because a woman rejected me in the past” or “Last time I approached a woman XYZ happened”.  Not only that, but you’re also focused on thoughts of the FUTURE – “What if she rejects me…?” or “What am I going to say to her…?” or “What if  she has a boyfriend…?”

These thoughts put you somewhere else and takes you away from this PRESENT MOMENT.

The Power Of Presence With Women

Presence means getting out of your head – not being focused on the past or future – but the NOW.  You are totally aware and present to the current moment.  You have no thoughts or distractions in your head.  You just act on your instincts and how you feel.  You don’t micro-manage things or worry about what to say – you just let the words flow out of you.

You have no worry about what others think of you.  You express yourself fully.  You say and do what you want.

Now… does this sound attractive to women?  Of course.

Not only that, but you are LISTENING.  When interacting with a woman, you aren’t thinking about what to say or are somewhere else – you are WITH HER.  You are listening to the words coming out of her mouth and not thinking about what to say next.

How To Be  Present With Women

What’s the solution?

Well, most people think consuming alcohol or a drug is the best way to accomplish presence.  NOT.  This is just a temporary-fix.  But this is why people drink or do drugs – it makes them fully present and puts them in the moment.  It allows them to express themselves freely.

The good news is that you can train yourself to be present while sober.  It’s a skill – or a muscle – that you build.

Let me ask you… have you ever played a competitive sport or activity before?  Like soccer, basketball, football, tennis, dancing at a club, a video game, or whatever?

When you’re out there playing this sport or activity… are you THINKING about every step and move that you’re taking?  Are you thinking about what happened yesterday or what’s going to be going on tomorrow?  NO.  You are totally present and in the moment.

If you’re playing football and you’re thinking about what happened yesterday or in the future…. BAM you are going to get nailed by someone.  You can’t be thinking or in your head.  You need to be in a STATE OF PRESENCE.

Some activities you can do to train yourself to be present are the following:

• Any sport or physical activity – it gets you fully present and in the moment.
• Meditation.  Do this everyday and practice clearing your thoughts and being present.
• Doing activities that put you in a state of FUN – dancing, parties, concerts, events, casino games, etc…
• Going out to meet women and interact with people – anything social.

These can and will help.

There’s a book called “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle that is worth reading.

And of course, you want to AVOID activities and things that make you too analytical and put you inside your head.

This is a powerful tool, once mastered, will make you incredibly successful with women and dating.  I hope this helps.

I was digging around in my hard drive and found a lot of cool videos that we used to have recorded from a few years ago that I thought I’d finally take out of the vault and share with you.

The one I’m putting up today is a video of Stefan during a Transformations Bootcamp back in 2008. He is at a mall and notices these two attractive girls sitting down in the foodcourt. What does he decide to do?

In the video, he sits down with both of them, starts talking, builds attraction, is left alone with one of them, creates a connection, and then 15 minutes later exchanges phone numbers. All caught on camera.

There is no sound in the video, so you can’t hear what he’s saying. But, you are able to get an idea of what it looks like to approach a woman, the confidence of just sitting down with them and talking, the reaction from the girls, and how it all goes down.

Watch the video below.

Here are some important lessons for you to take from this video:

1) ASSUME ATTRACTION.

To be able to sit down with two girls without hesitation and just begin talking requires a certain level of confidence.  If you try to sit down with girls but are nervous and uncomfortable, the girls will notice it and probably think you’re creepy.  That’s why the key is to ASSUME that they are already attracted to you.  I mean, why wouldn’t they be?  Why wouldn’t they want to talk to you?  You would be doing them a massive disservice and withholding so much value and awesomeness that you possess!  Let’s not be selfish now…

While that may sound egotistical, it’s a key mindset to have.  It’s my mindset.  You have to have so much BELIEF and CERTAINTY in yourself that you couldn’t even question the thought of them not wanting to meet you.  A woman not wanting to meet you or talk to you is a completely ridiculous, crazy, total B.S. thought that can’t possibly exist in my reality.

2) GET TO THE POINT.

When you approach a girl and say “Hi I was wondering if I could get your opinion on something…” or make up an excuse to talk to her, it shows a LACK OF CONFIDENCE since you weren’t man enough to simply state what you were thinking and be honest and up front.  Do women want a guy that has to put on a whole act to talk to her?  Or would she just prefer the guy to grab his balls, be confident and tell the truth?  Be confident, obviously.

When you sit down with girls and start talking, you are communicating your intent right away.  They obviously know this person is there to talk to them, right?  It was obvious that I was interested in getting to know them.  I didn’t sit down and say “Hi guys do you know where Futureshop is?”  It wouldn’t have made sense.

There’s two ways of thinking here.

First, if you believe you aren’t good enough for her, you’re right.  Whatever you believe, is TRUE FOR YOU… whether it is real or not.  So, if you believe you are a “7″ and that she is a “10″, no matter what you say will work.  You are putting her on a pedestal, believe she has higher value than you, and this is where having all the “tricks and gimmicks” and “routines and openers” come into play.  You feel the need to DO things to have a woman interested or attracted in you.  You don’t believe you could just be yourself and she would be into you.

The second way of thinking is you believe you are a confident, attractive, amazing man.  You are that “10″.  And she is that “10″ too.  You don’t feel any need to use tricks, gimmicks, memorize anything, or DO anything to impress her or get her interested in you.  You can you just be yourself and do or say anything you want, and she is interested in you as a result.  What is she attracted to?  What are all women attracted to?  Your confidence.  Your presence.  Who you are (not what you say).  Your masculinity.  Your sense of humor.  And you’re able to communicate all of these qualities naturally, because you’ve developed them within yourself and you’re comfortable.

This “second way of thinking” is the NATURAL’s way.  I’ve been in both categories, for years, and can say that being a natural is a thousand times more fulfilling and more effective.  It’s what allows you to actually get into a RELATIONSHIP.  It’s long-term fulfillment and joy.  It’s true transformation and self-improvement, not a cover up.

So, to get to the point:  GET TO THE POINT WITH HER.

If you see a woman you want to meet, go up and tell her that you want to meet her.  If you see a woman looks pretty, go up and tell her that she’s pretty.  Be authentic, honest, and confident with yourself.

3) DO IT.

There is a lot more to this video that is being explained here.

But, the bottom line is, DO IT.  Do something.  Get out there and approach a woman.  Have an interaction.  Face your fears.  Be a man.  Improve yourself.  Do something – ANYTHING – to become more attractive and successful with women.

No… making more money isn’t going to help you.  It will just turn you into the provider and women will probably be attracted to you for the wrong reasons.  Having a great body can help, but if you’re lacking confidence and can’t communicate with a woman, it isn’t going to make any difference whatsoever.

The solution?  Get out there, develop yourself, approach women, learn from your experiences and GET BETTER.  It isn’t going to improve on your own.  You have to be proactive.

Good luck and let’s make 2011 the best year yet!

Please leave a comment or let me know of any questions you have!

I wanted to share with you a quick video from one of our recent Mens Clubs for our Bootcamp Grads.

It’s about how to use dancing to attract women.

Most men don’t realize this, but being able to dance is such a powerful tool to have in your toolbox when it comes to attracting women and escalating physically with a woman.

It’s no secret that women love dancing.

Being able to dance is almost an excuse to get intimate and close with a woman.  It builds a special connection between the two of you and makes her feel more comfortable with you.  This can let you speed up the entire escalation process rapidly.

We had a dance instruction come in to speak at our last Mens Club, teaching us men how to use dance to attract women and escalate rapidly.  Check out the video below.

By the way, you don’t necessarily have to be a GOOD dancer to be able to use dancing to attract women and escalate fast.  Of course it helps, but it isn’t necessary.

What’s more important is being able to be CONFIDENT on the dance floor and comfortable with yourself.  It comes down to being in that great state and having fun.  If you’re having fun and comfortable with yourself, it doesn’t matter if you look like an idiot or aren’t doing things properly.

If you see a group of women dancing at a dance club, be confident and dominant and get in there.  Grab her by the hand and spin her around.  Get in close with her.  Tease her and have fun. This doesn’t require WORDS… this all about developing attraction with a woman non-verbally.

You can attract women with your BODY LANGUAGE and PRESENCE.

That’s it for today.  I hope you enjoyed the quick video and please leave a comment.

The below video is from one of our Mens Club Meetups back in September 2010.  We usually host these almost every month and go over some more advanced dating topics, but it’s reserved only for those who have been through the Transformations Bootcamp.

In this video, Cheyenne is teaching the group of men about women’s “shit tests” and how to pass them.

Just to give a bit of context, women will usually consciously or unconsciously test you to see if you’re being CONGRUENT with the man that you’re projecting yourself to be. The moment you approach a woman, she could be acting a bit “bitchy” or might say something to throw you off, like “You’re too short for me…” or might pull out her blackberry and start replying to a text while you’re talking to her.  Women do these things NOT because they aren’t necessarily attracted to you, but most often to SEE WHAT YOU WILL DO.

When these things occur, most men get emotional and reactive.  They let it hurt their confidence, and the moment that happens it’s GAME OVER.  You failed the test.  She’s no longer interested.  Do not pass go.  Do not collect $200.

In situations like these, women want to a man who is GROUNDED and doesn’t let anything affect him.  They want a man who isn’t going to react or get emotional.  She wants a MAN.

It reminds me of back in the day when men used to go into battle, how they would often TEST each other to make sure you were strong and weren’t going to get all emotional.  If you got emotional or weak during battle, they would be concerned about that and you wouldn’t get to go, as they want to make sure you’re a strong man.

Same thing with women.

By the way, women do these things a lot throughout relationships too.  They will say things to see if you’re going to withdraw and run away.  They will try to push your buttons.  They will try to change you.  They will do these things… and your job as a man is to be like a ROCK.  You’re like an oak-tree, an immovable force.  You’re there to be totally present with her and not be affected in any way.

When a woman is acting “bitchy” with you when you first approach her, and you stand there and smile and keep talking like it’s not even affecting you, she instantly becomes MORE attracted to you.  It’s no different if she takes out her cell phone and is trying to brush you off, but you stand there totally centered, present and confident and continue joking around and teasing her.  She NOTICES this and instantly becomes attracted because you passed the test.  Get it?  Good.

I hope this helps giving you some context to this video.  Enjoy!

I would love to hear what you think.  Post any questions or comments below!

I’m going to share with you a strategy to amp up attraction with a woman.

But, before I do, let me ask you a question:

What is attraction and what creates it between two human beings?

Is it confidence?  Hmm… well, yes in many ways confidence can create attraction, but you could argue that there’s many women that are attracted to men who don’t have confidence – that may be shy or timid.

Okay, well then it must be status!  Of course, being high status… that is what creates attraction!  Yes, high status is important as well, just as much as confidence is in attracting beautiful high-quality women, but again… there are many women that are attracted to men that have low status.

Is it humor?  Good looks?  Your personality?

Again, there’s men that aren’t funny, aren’t attractive and don’t have a personality that has attracted someone in their life.

Then what REALLY creates attraction?

It’s important to understand what attraction is.

One word:  EMOTION.

That’s it… attraction is an EMOTION.

Just like love.  Love is also an emotion.

And here’s the other part, a feeling or emotion can come and ago.  You can be attracted to someone one minute, then have it change another minute.  You can fall in love and fall out of love.  It happens all the time.

So then, what makes one human being attracted to another?  Let me explain.

Attraction is an EMOTIONAL RESPONSE that is FULLY ASSOCIATED to another human being.

That’s it.  What this means is that attraction is an emotional response that is TRIGGERED.

What’s it triggered by?  Many things, but every person is different.

Everyone has a unique strategy for being attracted to someone.  It’s all unconscious.

Have you ever been really attracted to someone and had no idea why?  They weren’t even your type.  Like maybe you’re attracted to blondes, but she was a brunette.  Or you’re really into Asian women, but for whatever reason you were really attracted to this Caucasian girl this one time?

It’s because your attraction strategy was triggered.

For women, there are certain BEHAVIORS or SOCIAL CUES that trigger their attraction strategy.

For example, CONFIDENCE is a common social cue that triggers attraction in beautiful women.

And confidence really just manifests itself through non-verbal channels, like body language and tone of voice (also words, but words aren’t as dominant as the others).  For example, having powerful eye contact, the way you stand and take up space, the way you project your voice and how it resonates, how you’re breathing fully, your posture, your smile, etc… it also includes what words you’re saying and being confident enough to say them.

So, of course you want to develop your confidence, as it’s what is going to trigger attraction in the majority of the beautiful, high quality women that you want to meet and want in your life.

The same goes for GOOD LOOKS.  Having good looks can trigger attraction, of course, but again – some of us aren’t blessed with being over 6 feet tall and to look like Brad Pitt.  The good news is that it isn’t necessary, and you can learn how to trigger attraction in a woman in other ways.

Then there’s HUMOR, which is so extremely important!  It’s the ability to make someone feel positive, good emotions – which is what all of these triggers ultimately accomplish.  When you make someone laugh, they feel good.  It puts them in a certain emotional state.

There’s also other things that trigger someone’s attraction strategy, such as TOUCH.  When you touch someone a certain way, notice how they respond.  Do they feel MORE attracted to you (more in state?) or LESS?

It could be a certain look.  Or even a certain tone of voice.

The point is, EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT.

Your job as a man is to develop yourself and become the most attractive man you can possibly be, so you can NATURALLY trigger a woman’s attraction strategy and make her feel ATTRACTED TO YOU consistently.

Men who are the most successful with women have an unconscious understanding of this.

They are so naturally calibrated that when they talk to a woman, they notice the most subtle cues to how she is responding to him.  They know how to approach each woman a different way and what she will respond to.  They know how to modulate their energy, when to touch a woman, how to touch a woman, how to speak to a woman, and how to look at a woman – all at the exact perfect moment and have her respond.

The good news is that it’s a SKILL that can be learned and mastered, just like a musical instrument or a sport.

You get a coach or a mentor, just as you would with an instrument or sport, and they show you how to do it.  Then you keep practice and keep getting feedback and then all of a sudden you have it down. Simple.

Learning how to become successful and good with women is SO SIMPLE and STRAIGHT-FORWARD, I honestly don’t understand why every man doesn’t do it.  We’ve all learned and played sports as a kid, or an instrument, or how to dance, or a martial art, or SOMETHING – that means you can do this as well.

OK… so now I’m going to share with you a special technique on how to amp up attraction with a woman.

One of the best ways to make someone experience a certain emotion is through QUESTIONS.

If you’re talking to a woman or sitting down with a woman, ask her:

“Can you remember a time when you felt totally attracted to someone?”

Whenever you ask someone a question, they have to change their FOCUS.  Whatever they focus on, they will feel.

When they remember a time or focus on it, then ask the question, “How did that make you feel?”

When you ask the last question, they will FEEL it.

ANY EMOTION THAT YOU FEEL YOU MUST EXPERIENCE IT IN YOUR BODY.

That means that to feel happy, you have to change your body in some way.  To feel attracted, your body will change as well.

You will see her physiology change, either by smiling, a certain look, breathing, change in posture, tension in her face, posture, hands, legs, etc… some part of her physiology will change.  Be aware of what that is, because you know she’s attracted.

Just like when you see a woman talking to a guy and you can see in her body language that she’s attracted to him – she’s playing with her hair, breathing a certain way, looking at him a certain way, smiling, facing towards him, arms are open, touching him, etc…

What this technique does is it puts a woman in a state of ATTRACTION.

Remember how I said, “Attraction is an emotional response that is FULLY ASSOCIATED to another human being”?

Well, you’ve triggered the emotional response, the next piece is ASSOCIATING IT TO YOU.

The good news is that just by her being WITH YOU and in your presence, she is AUTOMATICALLY ASSOCIATING ATTRACTION TO YOU.

Whenever you feel an intense emotional response, your brain looks for something unique to anchor/associate that feeling to.

That’s really what attraction is.  It’s making a woman feeling AMAZING and she links those feelings to you.  She is then therefor drawn to you and wants to be around you, because when she is she gets to feel those amazing feelings of attraction.

When you make a woman experience ATTRACTION and it’s ASSOCIATED to you, then when you call her she feels it.

When you go on a date and she see’s you, she feels ATTRACTION.  That emotional response is just triggered, because it’s associated to YOU.

Also, at the same time, you can be in a long-term relationship with someone and then LOSE attraction.  Your partner might not be as attracted to you, or you to her.  Why does this happen?

You lose attraction because you stopped doing the same things that TRIGGERED ATTRACTION in the first place.

You changed and you’re not eliciting that emotional response anymore.  You’re not using those same triggers… or even worse, you’re not even AWARE of what those triggers were in the first place!

Here’s the bottom line:  If you know what attracts someone and their attraction strategy, YOU CAN ATTRACT ANYONE.

I’ll say that again, because it’s important:

If you know what attracts someone and their attraction strategy, YOU CAN ATTRACT ANYONE.

I’ve attracted women that are married, have boyfriends, etc… it doesn’t matter what the case is.  You can attract ANYONE.

There’s no logic to it.  Nobody has a check-list and says, “Ok… they have this quality, and they like dogs, and they’re nice, THEREFOR I’m attracted.”  Nope, doesn’t work that way.  It’s ALL EMOTION.

Attraction happens naturally between two people, but most people have no idea how it happens.

Now you know.

Please leave any comments, thoughts or questions below.

And by the way, make an effort to come out to a FREE Dating Mastery Seminar to learn more – or if you want to see it in action and learn from the best, come out to a Transformations Bootcamp and you’ll make the change necessary to be able to attract any woman that you want and trigger a woman’s attraction strategy consistently.